Funerals in Covid Times

Mar 10, 2021

Fr Ray Husband writes about a recent family bereavement and the devastating impact of Covid restrictions on his family’s grief.

Traditionally we Irish have dealt with death in a positive and hands on manner. The Irish wake is known for the celebration of the deceased person’s life. In the midst of pain, grief and loss, the support to the family from relatives and friends has been palpable.

Recently I lost a close family member. His wake, requiem Mass and burial were like nothing I have ever experienced before. Amidst the grief that is normally experienced, there was also a sense of isolation triggered by the physical absence of family and friends.

The death of a loved one in normal times is often a painful experience but in these Covid-19 times that pain is heightened and it is a lonely experience.

Like so many other families we were deprived of the time to be with our loved one in his last hours. Standing in the bitter cold keeping vigil through a window is something that will remain with me for the remainder of my life.

Yet we were not alone in this experience, so many families have experienced the same.

We as a family have missed the support and comfort of relatives and friends calling during these sad days. The loss of a physical hug or handshake or the sharing of stories about the person who has died leaves an ache in one’s heart.

Ten of us gathered for his funeral Mass. There was an intimacy in this. When the prayers were said in the empty church, and the burial finished, each member of the family returned to his or her home to grieve and cope in their own way.

No celebration of the deceased life over a meal was possible, each had to mourn in isolation.

Yet I am grateful for those who stood in the bitter cold along the side of the road or in the cemetery keeping their distance yet supporting us by their physical presence.

Behind the masks their eyes reached out in solidarity and compassion to those gathered around the graveside. It shows the goodness and helplessness that many feel at not being able to support the grieving in the traditional ways that we are accustomed too.

The phone call, the email and the text message show that people care but can never replace the presence of the family member or friend during these days of sorrow and grief.

Celebrating the Month’s Mind Mass in an empty Church without the family present is something that I found incredibly difficult.

However, at the end of the day I find comfort in the words of the Preface of the Mass: Indeed, for your faithful, Lord, life is changed not ended, and, when this earthly dwelling turns to dust, an eternal dwelling is made ready for them in heaven.

This is made possible through the death and resurrection of Jesus our Saviour. Life for Danny is now changed not ended. Through God’s grace he is now in that place where pain and suffering are no more.

Like so many families we continue to mourn his passing within the restrictions of the “new normal.”

Fr Ray Husband is regional director of the Columbans in Ireland.

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